photo by R. Chursinoff

Nostradamus predicted the end of the world in the year 3786. Scientists say the asteroids hit September 21st, 2030. Mayans, hippies, and what looks to be a really bad movie starring the once fabulous John Cusack, only give us until 2012.
Stockpile the hugs folks.
Will you drink away the apocalypse or buck up and head for the hills? Gather your friends or go it solo? Do you have the skills to survive or are you going to roll over and take it in the bum?
I hit the streets of Vancouver (which every dark, rain-soaked winter feels as though an apocalypse approaches) to find out what you would do, should the world as we know it, end tomorrow.

photo by Brian Crosbie (click on photos to enlarge)

Stephanie, 28, Epidemiologist. Vancouver

Me: Do you feel prepared for the coming APOCALYPSE?

Stephanie: No I don’t.

Me: Why Not?

S: Because I don’t know what that will look like. How can I possibly prepare for something that I can’t imagine the manifestation of?

M: Okay pretend your money’s worthless. And everyone’s scrambling for food. Financial and oil crisis meltdown. Environmental shit’s going on. You gotta protect your people. You follow?

S: Roger that.

M: Do you feel you can survive?

S: Yes. Oh I feel I can survive. Definitely.

M: But you already said no.

S: Because I didn’t know what you were talking about. The scenario that you described. . . yes I think I could survive.

M: What kind of skills do you have?

S: Number one, I would rely on what people have relied on for thousands of years.

M: What is that?

S: Prostitution.

M: You’d fuck away starvation and death?

S: Yup.

M: That’s both enterprising and courageous of you.

photo by Brian Crosbie

Tegan, 29, Writer, Musician. Vancouver

Me: Do you feel prepared for the APOCALYPSE?

Tegan: I figure I’m going to be one of the people that are going to die in the apocalypse.

M: Okay let me give you the scenario though: Not everyone’s dead. It is every person for themselves though and money is of no value. Basically we get to see what people’s true colours are, how they handle their shit under massive pressure. You’re gonna need skills.

T: I’m pretty weak and little. I’m sure I would die.

M: Come on. You make such sweet melodies, we need you around.

T: Okay. In terms of the food and water department I would be fucked. I don’t have any groceries in my apartment right now.

M: We’re in BC, there’s lots of water around.

T: Salt water.

M: You just head to the Mountains, there’s plenty of water there.

T: Head to the mountains? I don’t have a drivers license. The first thing I would do is pack up a bag of necessities and such, warm clothes etc and I’d go to my parent’s house. It’s safer there, they live on the fourth floor or seventh floor or something. And I live on the ground floor behind the detox centre and I have a feeling shit would go wild here.

M: Would you try to gather as many of your friends as possible?

T: Would I go roaming the streets looking for my friends? Probably not. I would obviously do my best to try and find my sister Sara.

M: And if people came to take your food and your family happened to have a gun would you shoot those people?

T: No.

M: You’d let them take it and then starve to death?

T: Yeah and then I’d try and go find other food.

M: So what would be your chance of survival on a scale of…

T: Zero

M: Just hold on. . . in terms of percentage your chance of survival the first month?

T: 10%

M: That’s it?

T: Just getting from here to my parents. . .

M: Well I live up the street, I’d probably help you!

T: Okay fine. First month I have a hundred percent chance of survival. IF I survive whatever it is that causes the apocalypse.

M: Well it wouldn’t be like asteroids or nuclear war. Maybe resource wars though. Coupled with complete financial meltdown and oil actually runs out. So after one year then?

T: If this shit’s still going on after one year we probably won’t survive. We live in a major city.

M: Our mutual friend Mike Clark said he’d survive.

T: That’s right. And he said he’d swing by on his motorcycle and let me ride backwards behind him, holding the shotgun.

photo by Juliana Moore

Dave, 26. Alberta. Olga, 26. Russia

Me: Do you feel prepared if tomorrow was the APOCALYPSE?

Dave: Do you mean like if we were going to die tomorrow?

Me: No no. People are still alive but it’s environmental chaos, the financial system has collapsed, there’s no more oil, everybody for themselves. See where I’m going with this?

Olga: It is almost collapsed.

M: (wringing hands and grinning) I know.

D: I think we can survive, yeah.

M: Prove it. How?

D: It depends on what was taken from us.

M: Everything.

D: I think if there were nothing we could probably just exist.

M: How would you eat?

D: We could start by scavenging for food.

M: What happens if people who wanted that food more than you came to take it from you?

D: I guess we’d have to fight them.

M: Would you be right by Dave’s side Olga?

O: Yeah. Of course, we’re going to survive.

M: Because you have love?

O: Well, yeah.

D: Yeah, love is all you need.

photo by Brian Crosbie

Burinder, 23, student. Sam, 21, student. Kristen, 21, student. Charlie, 22, retail worker. Vancouver.

Me: Do you feel you’re prepared for the apocalypse?

Burinder: There’s an apocalypse?

M: There isn’t one now but you never know. You gotta be able to grow stuff or barter stuff.

B: Well some of us are Indian so bartering stuff is no problem.

Sam: Yeah I’d say we’re ready.

M: No money. No cars. People are going to try and steal shit from you.

B: You can’t steal shit from us, we’re students. We’re poor as hell.

M: During the apocalypse you will not be students anymore.

S: I’d say no not ready at all then.

Kristen: Well. . . I don’t know. I’m with him (points to Sam).

M: So he dies you die?

K: Basically.

S: Is it going to be like one of those zombie movies?

M: Mmm, no because zombies aren’t real. How about you Charlie? You ready?

Charlie: No. I don’t think so.

M: Jesus, so all of you would just die? Is that what you’re saying? You’d just lay down and die?

Burinder, Sam, Kristen and Charlie: No!

Burinder: Now you’re putting words in our mouths. You’re assuming we’d lay down and die. We’re saying we’d fight back, we just wouldn’t stand a chance. There’s a big difference.

M: Word.

photo by Juliana Moore

“Two Shoes”, 27, North Vancouver

Me: Are you prepared for the APOCALYPSE Two Shoes?

Two Shoes: It depends.

M: On what?

TS: I tour with a rock band for a living so it’s kinda apocalyptic every day of my life. But if I were home in North Vancouver?. . . I’ve prepared myself for it. Yes.

M: You have? How?

TS: I live in the mountains. I’ve planned all the escape routes from the city. My friends and I smoke a lot of weed and plan these things out.

M: You must play in a metal band?

TS: Yup. We plan to steal a U-Haul truck, go across the street to Canadian Tire and stock up, go to Mountain Equipment Co-op then fucken head straight for the mountains. There’s cabins all over the place.

M: Can I come along?

TS: Hell yeah. If you see a U-Haul truck doing doughnuts in the Mac’s parking lot, that’s me.

photo by Juliana Moore

Lee, 33, photographer. Winnipeg

Me: Do you feel prepared for the APOCALYPSE, “Lee from Winnipeg”?

Lee: Absolutely.

M: How so?

L: I’ve sharpened my knives. I have a practice Samurai sword under my bed with a can of soup and a rain jacket. And I just read The Road.

M: But do you actually feel prepared?

L: Mmm yes. The meek shall inherit the world.

M: You got skills?

L: Yeah man. I’m one of those skinny fast types. Good at dodgeball. You just gotta wait it out, let all the idiots get to the ball first and kill each other. You hang back for a bit, then get in there and get some.

M: You’re a photographer by profession?

L: Yes.

M: So you’ll get in there and photograph the shit outta people getting some?

L: That’s right.

____________________________________

photo by Juliana Moore

Steph, 25, UBC student. Vancouver Island

Me: Are you ready for the APOCALYPSE?

Steph: Can anyone be ready for the apocalypse?

M: Uhuh. I just asked “Two Shoes” and he was prepared.

S: I’m going to go with, I’m as prepared as I’m ever going to be.

M: Yeah?

S: Sure.

M: Okay here’s a scenario. But go ahead and try that shoe on first if you need to. . .

S: (trying shoe on)

M: So the financial system has actually collapsed.

S: Yes.

M: There’s no oil. You know. . . it’s bad news. Everybody for themselves.

S: Right. Is it really going to be everyone for themselves though?

M: Yes, this is my apocalypse scenario, don’t spoil it.

S: Okay. Okay.

M: Will you survive? Do you got the skills?

S: Oh I’ve got the skills.

M: Do tell. You can build a house or chop wood or grow vegetables?

S: Sure. I grew up on Vancouver Island.

M: Would you mow people down if you had to?

S: Depends on who they were.

M: They’re people that you thought were your friends. Coming to get your food. And they don’t want to share.

S: See I totally believe we can all get along at some point. Pool our resources. Cook a big meal together.

M: Maybe you and I should date?

S: (ignores me, tries other shoe on)

M: Okay, what you said would be the smart way to do it but there would be a lot of douche bags that wouldn’t do it that way.

S: Right. Well then it would be a good time for filtering out the douche bags.

M: Seriously, what’s your number?

photo by Brian Crosbie

James, Brew master. Vancouver

Me: Are you prepared for the APOCALYPSE?

James: Yes. I’ve got plenty of things stored, namely piles of beer. I’ve got about 10,000 litres of beer tucked away in my brewery so I’m totally ready for the apocalypse.

M: Are you going to drink yourself to death?

J: Well I can survive for a year just drinking.

M: And you can barter!

J: I can barter.

M: Okay so for about a year you can barter and be drunk through the apocalypse.

J: Exactly.

M: But apart from making beer do you have any other skill you think would help you survive the apocalypse?

J: I can weld.

M: Don’t we need electricity or gas or something for that?

J: Yes

M: So you’re outta luck there. Can you grow a garden?

J: Yes.

M: Beer and corn-on-the-cob. Sounds like you’ll be a survivor.

photo by Brian Crosbie

Tia, 20-something, Designer. Vancouver

Me: Do you feel like you’re prepared for the Apocalypse?

Tia: No.

M: Okay let me give the scenario. Shit’s fucked up. No gas, no money. Imagine Sarajevo during the Serbian War, people ducking bullets, living in crumbling buildings, partying their faces off because they may not have a tomorrow.

T: No. I’d die.

M: Really? Just like that? Don’t you have a fighting spirit?

T: No. Not really.

M: Just walk out onto the street and die?

T: I don’t know. Well maybe I’d survive for a bit. But I really can’t take care of myself.

M: Do you have a community of friends that you can, you know, huddle together in some abandoned warehouse and stay alive for awhile?

T: Yeah, yeah I do but if there’s no money, how would we have to get food? Would we have to grow it and stuff?

M: Yup.

T: Definitely not. I’m staying with my grandma right now and she’s in the Philippines and all I had to do was take care of her fish and plants. Two fish died and all her plants died.

M: Okay well maybe you’d have to buy a gun and steal food.

T: Probably.

M: But I certainly don’t suggest that as a regular course of action. You appear to be an exception.

photo by Brian Crosbie

John, 56, Set Dresser, Musician. Vancouver

Me: Do you feel prepared for the APOCALYPSE?

John: Well that’s a loaded question. I don’t know if anyone can be really.

M: Oh sure we can. Do you have skills?

J: Well, some.

M: Maybe you could tell people that you played Jean-Luc Picard in Star Trek: The Next Generation, and they’d make you their leader?

J: We’d have to see when we got there.

M: Think you could barter anything?

J: That’s a good question. I don’t know.

M: How would you get food?

J: Go in the woods and track something down. I’d probably have to do something horrible like kill animals.

M: You can hunt?

J: No. I’ve never been interested in guns but you know, survival brings a different spin on everything.

M: Okay, maybe go for the Jean-Luc Picard thing for real. But then again, what if you had a little stash of food and people were trying to come and get it. Would you share it with them like Picard would?

J: I suppose so. In a limited sense.

M: Sounds like maybe you’d have a hard time surviving.

J: Yeah I would have to say that. But the apocalypse might not be a bad thing. The system is so corrupt it could use something radical like that, that kind of overhaul to get things started on an even keel again.

photo by Juliana Moore

Devon, 19. Prince Edward Island. Jamie, 21. East Van.

Me: Simple question. Do you feel you’re prepared for the APOCALYPSE?

Jamie: Sure yeah man, well I gotta be ready. Right? What other choice do I have?

Devon: Yes, yes I do.

M: What skills do you have?

J: I don’t know.

M: So then how are you going to survive? Flashing gang signs?

J: See now that you’re asking me I’ve gotta think about it.

M: Uhuh. So you would die? You’d just die?

J: Well. . . I wouldn’t die

D: I’d revolt

J: Yeah, revolt hard!

M: Let me give you a scenario: There’s a war going on. Jamie, you and Devon are in a fox hole. A man is coming down onto your hole from behind. Do you protect your hole or just just let him come and take it?

J: I’d defend my hole.

D: What kind of question is that?

M: Okay never mind. Would you guys shoot people?

D: If it came down to it. Like innocent people?

M: Innocent or guilty. We don’t know.

D: Like shoot the blind masses coming at me?

M: Sure.

D: Hell yeah.

J: You’d have to, to protect your hole.

M: Jamie. . . we’ve moved on from the topic of protecting our holes.

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 28th, 2010 at 1:25 pm and is filed under Stranger Than Fiction. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.